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The Book Report of the Dead/Transcript
starts with the title card music, then the kids and Hank uniting a tug-of-war to pull a globe out of Fanboy's mouth Hank: One, two, three. Whoa! out the globe You want to tell me what my favorite globe is doing in your mouth? Fanboy: Mm-mm-mm. Hank: Is that all you have to say, "I don't know"? Fanboy: Mm-mm. out a moon No, no, no. I said, "Chum Chum dared me to." Chum Chum: You done good, kid. Buy yourself something nice. Fanboy a dollar gives Fanboy the "I'm watching you" expression Fanboy: Did it seem like Mr. Mufflin was mad at me? Do you think he likes me? Chum Chum: Absolutely. He spends most every day focused just on you. Fanboy: Boom! That's what I thought. We're good. Kyle: Urrgh! around That's negative attention, and you thrive on it. Clearly, you have no self-respect. I feel sorry for you. Hank Oh, Mr. Mufflin! Wouldn't you like to collect our homework now? I'd hate for these cookies that I baked you to grow cold. Hank: Suck-Up's right, pass in your book reports. Fanboy: BOOK REPORT?!? gasp Kyle: You don't have one? Hank Mr. Mufflin! Fanboy didn't do his book report! Hank: Who? Fanboy: Ugh, but Purple Kid did do his. opens his desk while Kyle stares at him in a disgusted expression Fanboy: Okay. Paper, pencil. Ah, I feel like I'm missing something. Chum Chum: A book? Fanboy: No thanks, I hate them. Oh! Right. Book. Book, book, book, book, book, book, book, book, book. What do books look like? I have no idea. Eh, eh. Oh, right! Necronomicon and takes him Necronomicon: Oh, who's touching me? I feel untrained hands perusing my passages. Fanboy: Shh, book! I just need you for my report! Necronomicon: No, no, dear boy. You mustn't. My content contains dangerous dark magics, the misuse of which could have catastrophic -- shoves a glove in his mouth before he could finish Fanboy: Sheesh. For a book of the dead, it never shuts up. while he starts writing Chum Chum: Um, aren't you gonna read it? Fanboy: Ugh, reading? Then, everything's got to go from the book to my brain to my hand! I find copying cuts out the middleman. Sorry, brain. Something's got to give. is a power down sound; Fanboy gains a dopey expression as his brain turns off. He starts writing Fanboy: Thaa thaa thaa, thaa thaa thaa, bluh bluh bluh bluh thaa thaa thaa thaa, annnnnnd...duh. There. finished report Mr. Mufflin, prepare to have your mind blown. in the hall, Fanboy puts his stuff away in his locker and closes its door. Suddenly, Kyle pops up next to him Kyle: Isn't it funny how Mr. Mufflin likes me and doesn't like you, and how I'm teacher's pet and you're not, and how I did my book report and you didn't? It's funny. Right? laughs Fanboy: Actually, Kyle, I did my book report, and you even helped me. Kyle: That seems unlikely. Fanboy: Sure, you did. I used your book. Chum Chum? Chum Chum: Fire in the hole! down Fanboy's cape and Necronomicon flies out of his mouth knocking Kyle to the floor Kyle: You used my Necronomicon? Are you mad? Fanboy: Actually, I feel quite satisfied. It was my first on-time book report. Kyle: You fool! Clearly you do not realize it is a book of the dead, as in, what we shall surely find ourselves being. Necronomicon: Oh, I tried to warn him. Yes, I did. But he's a headstrong little monkey, and he has very oily Cheese Puff fingers. some pages covered with Cheese Puffs Chum Chum: Maybe Mr. Mufflin hasn't read it yet. Kyle: Let us hope so. the classroom, Hank is reading the reports Hank: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. a cookie, then spits it out Ah, walnuts! Suck-Up's getting a B. the cookies away and grades Kyle's report Okay, Purple Kid, Let's see what you got. Fanboy's report "My book report by Fanboy. The book I read was good. I liked-ed it. The best part of it was"... into a zombie ...""Foh-run-mar-kah,""--- to normal Oh, missed an apostrophe there. into a zombie again ---""Lah-kee-nix-zee-bol-tra-hee-meh".". in the hall, the main 3 peek from behind a corrador and see Hank. he is now Zombie Mufflin Zombie Mufflin: moans Fanboy: Shh. There he is. Kyle: Does he look like he's read it? Fanboy: I don't know. Zombie Mufflin, who bangs his head into the wall Eyes are a little red? Could have been a bad night's sleep, though. Which would also explain the flies pouring out of his mouth. pop out of Zombie Mufflin's mouth. Cheech runs by Zombie Mufflin: spins, monotone No running in hallway. Ah! Kyle: Did you see that? His head just swiveled clean around! Chum Chum: Look! He's holding your book report! Fanboy: Let's go try to get it. main 3 approach Zombie Mufflin Fanboy: Uh, hello, Mr. Mufflin. How is it going? Uh-huh. I made a silly mistake. I may have forgotton to list my sources. Could I see my book report, please? report "Too many misspellings. This is not a word. Please see me after class."? "D-"?!? Whew! See, Kyle? What did I tell you? Everything's perfectly normal. Zombie Mufflin: on Kyle's head Must eat brains. Kyle: Help! SOMEONE!!! FANBOY!!! Zombie Mufflin: Fanboy? himself from Kyle's head Fanboy make Mufflin zombie! for Fanboy Fanboy: Ah! Not the face! Zombie Mufflin: Ah! Fanboy's head Thank you, Master Fanboy. bows Fanboy: gasp Did you hear that? He didn't call me Purple Kid or Doofus! Chum Chum: Or Nincompoop or Nitwit or Dunce or Simpleton or Propellor-Head. Fanboy: Yeah, he called me by my name, Master. Kyle: Of course, Propeller-Head! Zombie Mufflin He thinks he's your zombie slave. Ugh! I must set this right. reads Necronomicon to find an antidote. Fanboy looks at him, disgusted Zombie Mufflin: What is thy bidding, Master Fanboy? Fanboy: Uh, well, Zombie Mufflin, you can start by taking that book away from Suck-Up. Mufflin grabs Kyle by the feet Kyle: Fanboy, what are you doing?!? We have to turn him back! legs get split apart too far Ugh! Fanboy: I don't want to turn him back. Mr. Mufflin is finally showing how much he likes me. Chum Chum: Yeah, look! He's actually smiling at you. Mufflin smiles at Fanboy Fanboy: It's a dead-toothed, drooly, creepy kind of smile, but it's just for me. Who would have ever thought it? Fanboy is the teacher's pet! Kyle: Only because the teacher is an undead! Mindless! Shambling! Corpse! Fanboy: his arm around Kyle Kyle, do I detect a wee note of jealousy? Kyle: WHAT?!?!? Fanboy: Look, I promise you there is nothing to worry about. I'm sure Mr. Mufflin has plenty of attention to shower on both of us. class... Zombie Mufflin: a 1 on the board Anyone? across the class raising their hands, then turns to Fanboy playing a handheld game Master Fanboy? Fanboy: Oh, you want me to come all the way up there? Zombie Mufflin: My bad. Fanboy's desk to the board as he draws something on it Correct. You get an A in math. Kyle: What? That's not even a number! It's a unicorn playing a guitar! Zombie Mufflin: A in art. Kyle: I demand a recount. Mufflin zaps him with his heat vision, vaporizing him. Only his shoes are left to be seen Oh, you got ash on my new trainers. Fanboy: You know what? Give him honorable mention. He's been through a lot. Zombie Mufflin: Master Fanboy know all! All ye who do not worship Master Fanboy will perish, screaming, in the abyss! class stares, and the bell rings Chum Chum: Yay! Recess! students exit and wimper Fanboy: Ah, hey, Muffley, can we talk? Zombie Mufflin: Master, I make you collage. Fanboy a collage of cat pictures Fanboy: so thrilled, at the camera Oh, wow. Look at that. So I think we both know I've been spinning my wheels in your class. I think it's time I moved you to the next level. You know, graduator. Zombie Mufflin: Grad-u-ate? Fanboy: Yeah, graduate or graduate with honors or highest honors, whatever you feel I deserve. Zombie Mufflin: Highest honor. Fanboy: Really? Oh! I feel the same way. Great. It's settled, then. Thanks for everything. Oh, it has been a crazy ride. Okay, we'll work out the details tomorrow. leaves Zombie Mufflin: Highest honor. next day. Fanboy goes into the classroom sipping a Frosty Freezy Freeze Fanboy: Sorry I'm late, I -- the entire classroom has turned into a creepy graduation ceremony What the -- okay. I don't recall posing for that. Zombie Mufflin: Welcome to ceremony, Master. Fanboy: Ceremony? What ceremony? him, the door closes Ah! Not the face. Zombie Mufflin: Graduation. a graduation cap on Fanboy's head Hit it! eerie version of Pomp and Circumstance is heard in the background as Zombie Mufflin leads Fanboy down the isle Chum Chum: Fanboy, do something! Fanboy: I am, Chum Chum. I'm graduating! walks up the centerpiece and sits in a chair next to the desk. Zombie Mufflin comes forward Zombie Mufflin: Be seated. Thank you. We here to graduate Master Fanboy with highest honor: me eat his brain. Fanboy: Thank you, Mr. Mufflin. First, I'd like to say a few -- wait, what was that last part again? Zombie Mufflin: His highest honor: me eat your brain, take your power, become one with you! Then, move tassel to left. After that, refereshments and dancing, time permitting. Fanboy: horrified Um, okay. I think you may have the wrong idea about "highest honor". Zombie Mufflin: No! It in book! the incantation from Necronomicon Blah! Fanboy on the desk and straps him to it Ah! Fanboy: So it is. I lay corrected. Mufflin struggles to open his head flap Chum Chum: Fanboy! Kyle says if he eats your brain, we'll be his slaves forever! Fanboy: What do I do? vaporzed Kyle whispers to Chum Chum Chum Chum: Kyle says there's a spell in the book that can turn him back. But you have to get Mr. Mufflin to read it! Fanboy: Oh, this? But it's so long! Wait, maybe I can summarize it. That's it! Mufflin finally opens Fanboy's head flap Zombie Mufflin: Must eat brain! Highest honor. Fanboy: Okay, buckling down. Necronomicon and writes the incantation down while his brain tries to fight back And paragraph supporting the theme. Good. Finished. Hey, Muffley. Before we get on with it, would you mind reading a little something I wrote to commemorate the occasion? Zombie Mufflin: the incantation Yes, master. "Book report by Fanboy. Book I read was good. I liked-ed it. The best part was"... ""Shoo-lah-shoo-lah, par-lah-mar-loh-dit-kah, beh-lih-chick-noh-eeh-nee-vay".". is a blinding light and the classroom turns back to normal. Zombie Mufflin also becomes a normal teacher again. The class is confused as normal Hank falls off his desk Hank: Argh! Huh? The doc warned you, Hank. Time to cut out the spicy food. Fanboy: Woo-hoo! I did it! I wrote a book report. And know what? It wasn't that bad. Chum Chum: Fanboy another dollar Man, you are busting my bank today. Fanboy: Now maybe Mr. Mufflin will see me for the student that I am, even when he's not a zombie. Hank: Worst book report I ever read, Purple Kid. D+. Fanboy: Eh, it's a start. Category:Transcripts